Have
been away for a while, haven’t I ? Sorry to all the fans who have been missing
their weekly read of The Diary… know that your empty, sad pathetic lives have
been enriched by the insight we’ve been offering you into the life of an
Extra.
The story of why the diary has not been published recently is a long and
to some, upsetting story but we are back and now the legal matters have been
sorted out we will be appearing weekly from now on. The injunction has been
thrown out and whilst we are not allowed to say too much about the case, Bill
Gates can kiss my arse if he thinks his tinpot company is bigger than The Extras
!
Anyway, we were we ?
Well, the season is well under way and we seem to be winning more than we
lose. The press are still saying that we are perhaps not the team we were but
wait until they see The Extras Christmas Annual. Once they see the book (packed
with excellent features on the team and available from all good book shops)
they’ll know we’re back to our best and up for selling our souls on the name
of entertainment.
Since we’ve been away, let’s catch up with some of the key players to
remind all our readers just why The Extras have become the household name they
are today…
LIAM DUFFIN – the
captain of the side and a fearless warrior – Never afraid to put his body on
the line and his comeback from heart surgery has been inspirational. Never been
dropped from the side in all these years, although admittedly he does pick it
every week.
GARY
‘TRIGGER’ BASS – proof
that rugby is indeed a sport for all – his body is his temple and his key
strength is his mental agility and speed of thought. A true Extra and always
aware of The Dreaded Blind Side. The opposition know they are in for torrid time
when he’s takes to the park.
BRIAN TODD – The veteran
hooker just keeps on going and going and going and going…Like a rash that just
won’t go away, he’s always there. A keen admirer of designer lagers, he can
be seen nightclubbing most nights.
DAVE ‘RATTY’ RATCLIFFE –
Fitness fanatic Ratty has been representing The Extras for a number of years now
and whilst he is quiet and shy, he always lets his rugby do the talking.
Electric pace combined with amazing power are the key phrases here.
Off the field, the press have been critical of
Ratty’s continuing battle with weight gain and despite this, he continues to
display the desire and commitment to stay at his current weight.
Ratty,
we salute you
TERRY
‘WHERE ARE THE F***ING SANDWHICHES’ NORFORD – Rugged second
row who plays at the same level every week – beneath the craggy, ancient
features, there dwells a rugby mind that I can honestly say operates at the same
speed it always has. Proof that The Extras aren’t ageist and despite the
smell, always welcome.
RAY
NIX –
Ray has been one of the Extras’ most consistent players over the last few
years and despite a scandal involving 43 pints of beer on his first tour, he
remains a valuable player. His weird back positioning make him an outstanding
example of a modern forward in todays game. Has been dogged by insinuations in
the press in regard to his sexuality but we don’t care who he sleeps with –
he’s an Extra.
Another
batch of player profiles next week and more fan mail so see you next week.
Remember,
an Extra is for life, not just for Christmas.