Saturday

We lost !!

Had a game at Hemel Hempstead and lost after playing pretty badly. The boss says it may be due to too much training but that said, failure is hard for finely tuned athletes such as ourselves to take….The press slaughtered us afterwards at the press conference and they've started to write that our season could be in danger of being over before it’s really begun.

We had a meeting in the Engine to discuss what went wrong and the backs agreed that it was all the forwards fault and the forwards blamed the backs. After the meeting we had a really gruelling training session until we threw up. That freak Marsden and Trigger were involved some trouble with a photographer outside so see the national press for details…. 

Sunday

The Extras all had to meet up today to arrange the ’25 years of the Extras’ party…was quite a heated meeting as some of the younger players feel that the older players make them feel a bit sick as they are a bit smelly. Liam decided that the older players past and present, whilst being very welcome at the do, would have to stay in a separate room for most of the evening so as not to upset the other guests with their overpowering stench of bitterness, failure and wee.  Brian Geary started crying at this point but stopped when Gez threatened to have him put in a home.

 Monday

Talked to Amelia today (my pop star girlfriend who seems to have disappeared) She rang to say her and Maulden, my daughter, were moving to Iceland where she is their No 1 Star – feel bad about it but have moved on in my life now and feel The Extras are my family now ( this is quite handy as Amelia and Maulden were a bit boring in The Diary, weren’t they)

 Saw Terry Norford today who said he’d had to go a Sikh wedding – he was a bit upset as he told us that it lasted about 4 hours and he was thrown out of the reception when he shouted ‘where’s the f***ing samosas’ at the top of his voice. Poor old Terry.

 Tuesday

 Busy day today – Playstation have been in talks with The Extras about bringing out a game featuring us, the players. The main sticking point stopping the game going ahead is that we want it to be called ‘The Extras- Virtual Rugby’ and the people from Playstation want the game to be called: Old People Play Too !

The forwards like this name but the younger backs are not happy at all and there was a heated discussion between the two groups which ended in Ray Nix and Toddy storming out saying that the backs were being ageist and Toddy said that he must be young at heart otherwise he wouldn’t have Telly Tubbies wallpaper.

Had to agree he had a point there, so look out for the game at Xmas from all good stores.

 Wednesday and Thursday

Two good hard days of training at The Engine….all had lots of beer apart from Ratty who is now joining Weight Watchers.

Someone said something about ‘too little too late’ but he seems committed to losing some weight and we are glad as it might lead to less of the ‘falling over when playing’ episodes that have blighted Ratty’s career of late.

 Friday

Have decided to make Friday’s the day when we deal with all our fanmail – There’s so much of it that we have to devote a whole day to it. We try to reply to each one, apart from the death threats as they don’t put their addresses on them.

 Lots of women seem to like sending naked photos of themselves which is good for morale although they should be aware that local lottery winner Andy Morgan is in charge of replying to these. This is a task he takes very seriously and he has vowed to reply to each one individually and visit them in person – you can’t buy that sort of commitment and hats off to Andy for volunteering so quickly for that job.

 Here’s a couple of excerpts of letters we’ve received this week…

 ‘F*** off!  F***ing Extras, get back to the f***ing Flying f***ing horse

 Slim’

 Quite a short letter from Slim of Ampthill but he obviously feels quite strongly about that particular topic !

Another letter we received this week was from an ex-player who wants to remain anonymous….

 ‘look, just because you modern day Extras get paid silly wages, don’t think that you’re better than the old team we used have. You youngsters think you know it all but we used to have such fun. I loved every minute of my extras career and whilst drink driving on an US airbase might not have been the best idea I’ve ever had, at least it showed initiative….’

 Hard to tell who this could be from isn’t it?

 The final letter to show you all has come all the way from Bermuda.

 A Mrs Mungwa writes…

 ‘ obviously I was sleeping with both of you at the same time but now your son is asking who his Daddy is, so please could Geoff and Ratty each supply a hair sample for DNA purposes so I can finally tell Mingla who his father is…’

 No comment.

 Anyway, that’s all for this week and will bring you all the news next week…..it’s just good to give something back to the little people who have supported The Extras over the years.