Well, Christmas is nearly upon us.
Whilst the world waits to see who will be the next u.s president, and global
warming is becoming a reality, it’s time to turn our thoughts to some
long-haired, sandal-wearing liberal who got what was coming to him when they
nailed him to the cross.
Yes, let’s hear it for the man in the
prickly hat.
Whilst some may see him merely as a
clever and charismatic magician, a sort of roman Paul Daniels, I believe he was
more than that. Much more….
Jesus, (or JC as I know him), stood up
and showed us the way we should live – as i type this, i can almost hear his
soft voice in my ear, gently guiding me.
Do you know what he’s saying ?
Yes, that’s right – he’s
telling me to tell you all about more
of the fab range of Extras' toys and gifts available this Christmas – your kids
might think they want a Playstation 2, your relatives might think they want Jamie
Oliver's new pathetically written, so-called trendy, s**te cookbook, but
that’s not true.
What they really would love is some of
the extras gifts – Jesus says so, so it must be true.
Before we start to tell you about
all the great gifts, we must issue a warning that the action figure ‘dougie’
(£19.99) has been withdrawn from all stores due to a fault - this figure has
been found to have defective legs that snap very easily and that causes the
figure to lie around for about four months in a useless fashion whilst people
say how bad it is that it’s happened. (when people say this, it actually means
‘ god, glad that wasn’t me) all ‘dougie’ figures that have already been
purchased can be taken back for a full refund. (please note the refund also
applies to the ‘dougie’ figures’ accessories which can also be exchanged
and include a ‘broken marriage’ and ‘a career in tatters’.
Also new for this xmas and
recommended by jesus christ our lord and saviour.
Ratty comedy boobs
You’ll have your friends in stitches with these hilarious massive foam
breasts. These latex joke boobies are a must for the christmas prankster and are
very life-like indeed. Liven up any party over the festive period with these and
amaze your friends with your fabulous ‘man-boobs’
We do warn people not to attempt to play rugby in the ratty boobs as they
can cause players to fall over at regular intervals for no reason
(also available in slightly smaller
size ‘Duff boobs’ and larger version on way for 2001 known as the ‘Litchy
boobs’
Also – the forwards bumper quiz
book
This is the ideal book for that special forward in your life – ours
found the questions to be real brainteasers.
Here are some sample questions to get you in the mood to buy this
brilliant compendium. (answers below)
If a forward has two rugby balls
and kicks one to his friend, how many rugby balls does he then have?
How many points for a try?
If a referee blows his whistle,
what does that mean?
Why do the backs stand watching
when there is a scrum?
Why does steam come off scrums when
it’s cold?
Answers
He has no balls left because the clumsy
clod dropped one whilst trying to kick the other one to his friend.
You’re a forward, you don’t need to
know how many points a try is worth – leave the maths to the backs.
Because one of you lot has given away yet
another f***ing penalty.
Because they’re bored of watching some
fat guys wrestle.
The steam is because the older forwards
all smell of wee.
Lots more q & a’s in the
book, so buy it now for your favourite forward…
Anyway, that’s all for this
week. See you all next week and remember, god wants you to buy extras gifts for
all your family.